I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Floor bacon is actually really good
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
