See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize