Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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