I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize