listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
