i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
