you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
