i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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