O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
