Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
