is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
