wat bout pragnant strippers??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
