Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
