well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
