It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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