Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
