I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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