I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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