i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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