we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need a beard to bite.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
