I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
