maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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