Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Mom said you looked used
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
