U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
