he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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