i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
