she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
