This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
