The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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