oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
