i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
