the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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