Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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