I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
