i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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