i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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