i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
