I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize