How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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