how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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