I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
