When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
