It's Friday. Sex?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
