I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
