So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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