so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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