maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i've created a new STD.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
