oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
