Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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