More tranny stories later!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My ass is underappreciated
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
