She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
