I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
