Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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