I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
