i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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