Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
