So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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