Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
