What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I know her cup size but not her name....
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