Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
