Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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