So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hippo gnu deer
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
