I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Found your dick twin last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
