Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He felt like a one man threesome
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
