im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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