I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
