cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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