The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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