Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
someone owes me an orgasm
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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