Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just pynch a tree in the face
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
