just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
